A Hogwarts Extravaganza!
by Ars Amatoria
Summary: There's something odd going on at Hogwarts, and students and teachers alike are suffering from the urge to burst into song and perform snappy dance moves. Could this be the work of a criminally insane, delusional, cross-dressing Voldemort? Oh, I think so.
1. Prologue

**A Hogwarts Extravaganza **  
  
  


(Co-written for GT.net by Vivienne NookieNug and Ars Amatoria [Isabella Spudwinky])   
  
  


A/N: Be warned. Anyone who knows GT will know how barmy everyone is there, and if you don't – well, we're all barmy, okay? Stick with us for this one – we can guarantee singing and dancing from students and teachers, a lovelorn Snape, Voldie in pink frilly robes, and oodles of musical H/G and R/H goodness…

Prologue   
  
  


"Wormtail!" The harsh voice rang out, and the servant scurried to attend to his master. Voldemort took the Cuban cigar from his mouth and swilled his brandy round once before knocking it back in one go and sending the empty glass smashing into the grate where a roaring fire was blazing. "Has a sufficient breach been made in the wards?" he rasped.   
  


"Yes, Master. Dumbledore has no idea what we are planning, and with the old fool away from Hogwarts, now is the ideal time to make the deadly stroke, which will ultimately allow us to wreak our-"   
  


"Thank you, Wormtail, don't get overexcited," cut in Voldemort. Wormtail, who had been getting more and more animated, gesticulating wildly as he spoke, hung his head at his master's snappish reproof.   
  


"Sorry, Master."   
  


"Good, good. Then all is ready." Wormtail could not help but cower slightly as his master stood up, towering over him. Now the Dark Lord had risen again Wormtail was well aware that his master no longer really needed him, and lived in constant fear that he would be 'disposed of,' especially since Voldemort had been displaying some rather peculiar habits recently, not the least of which was a penchant for Muggle literature. Ever since Voldemort had read a novel by Thomas Hardy the Death Eaters had had to put up with an entire flock of sheep wandering round the castle from where they were masterminding their world take-over bid. Voldemort called them his 'babies' and let them roam free. When one of the sheep had eaten a map of Lithuania, Voldemort lost his temper and turned the entire flock into lobsters and threw them into the lake. Far be it from Wormtail to question the sanity of the greatest Dark wizard of all time, but Wormtail wasn't sure he liked working for a man who had read Sense and Sensibility and instructed his followers to call him Marianne for a week afterwards. He dreaded to think what would happen if his master discovered the Karma Sutra.   
  


Voldemort strode across the dismal, dungeon-like room and flung open an ornately carved wooden door. Several of the hooded figures in the next room flinched and one of them hurriedly stubbed out a filter-tipped cigarette.   
  


"It is time," was all Voldemort said, and the group filed solemnly into a circular adjoining room, where torches burning with a magical green flame lined the curved walls. An eerie light came from a cauldron in the centre of the room, from which lilac flames licked.   
  


The dark-clad group formed a circle and Voldemort stepped forward. He shed his long black cowl to reveal – some of the assembly exchanged baffled looks – a baby blue robe with – someone snickered – lace trimming and a little bow.   
  


Voldemort drew his wand and glared at the assembly threateningly. "Does anyone have a problem with my attire? Haven't you ever read 'What Katy Did?' Blue's all the rage, you know." There were mumbled 'no's and head-shakings. "Well then, unless anyone wants to join our fluffy friends in the lake…? No? Then let us continue. We will be performing the 'Appare Sinus' and 'Usikmay-Akermay' charms, so if we could all hold hands and skip clockwise, then…"   
  


A hooded figure stepped nervously forward. "But why those charms, Lord? What with the Hogwarts wards breached we could-"   
  


Voldemort looked annoyed. "Haven't you ever read Shakespeare? Never taken the time to marvel at the never ceasing love Romeo displayed for his fair Juliet? Love is the greatest weakness of all, and love coupled with the power of music… well, soon there will _be_ no wards. I have already secured the Ministry. There will be nothing to stop us-"   
  


"The Ministry of Magic, sir?" asked one Death Eater, a new recruit, Voldemort noted, eager but mind-numbingly stupid, a complete upper class twit with twice as many sets of dress robes as brain cells.   
  


"No, genius," snapped Voldemort sarcastically, "the Ministry for Silly bloody Walks, what do _you_ think?"   
  


"But, Lord, surely-"   
  


"All right, Mr. Clever Dick," said Voldemort, rounding on the unfortunate Death Eater who had spoken, who happened to be Crabbe. "Who's the Dark Lord here, you or me? Perhaps you'd like to have a go at being the most powerful Dark wizard of all time, eh?" He turned away contemptuously only to turn back again, elaborately swishing his robes, "It's not easy being me, you know. None of you know what I've had to put up with. Did I like it when I was sucking the life out of snakes in Romania, or living inside an unwashed turban? No. Did I complain? No. Or indeed when I was dancing in a strip club in San Diego and had to- Well, enough said."   
  


There were a few embarrassed coughs and Voldemort looked rattled.   
  


"If you want to be great you have to make sacrifices, and that's exactly what I did. Now, if we're quite finished, perhaps we could get back to our world take-over bid…?"   
  


There was a sheepish silence and the sound of feet shuffling nervously.   
  


"Sorry, Lord."   
  


"Sorry."   
  


"You're the boss."   
  


"Very well, then let us begin," said Voldemort. The group closed in on the fire and began to chant, and as they chanted the flames of the fire burned higher and higher, stretching up to the ceiling. An acrid smoke filled the chamber but still they continued to weave the spell. After what seemed like hours, the green torches and the flame in the cauldron simultaneously flickered out, leaving an eerily silent darkness.   
  


A voice murmured from the dark, "It is done."   
  


There was a brief pause, then a burst of manic laughter. "Muah ha ha ha ha ha ha! My fiendish plans are finally coming togeth- argh! Which one of you imbeciles is stepping on my hemline? This isn't just any old fabric, it's Italian silk, you know."  


A/N: Stick around. Things are going to be getting very strange/disturbing/bloody frightening indeed for Harry and his friends… 


	2. 1 Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

**Chapter One: Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered**

**_One fine morning at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry_****_…_****__**

Ginny awoke in rather a strange mood. Pushing her hair back off her face and rubbing her eyes, she cast her gaze around the empty dormitory room finally letting it settle on the bed nearest hers. Ginny dropped her mouth open in surprise at the sight that met her eyes. Parvati Patil was not in bed in her own dormitory where one would usually expect to find her at such an unsightly hour in the morning, but prancing round the room in lederhosen and clogs, swinging energetically from the bed posts.

"Parvati, where is everyone and what on earth are you doing in- in that?"

"I am sixteen, going on seventeen-" Parvati sang as she spun towards the door, grinning at Ginny on her way past.

"Oh God, Parvati, wait, don't go out the- oh dear."

Parvati's off-key tones could be heard reverberating down the corridor as she skipped away in the direction of the common room.

"Either I'm losing my mind," Ginny muttered to herself, "or something very strange is going on."

Ginny rose from her bed and pulled open the curtains to admit the sunlight, revealing a picturesque view of the surrounding countryside.

"Oh what a beautiful morning, oh- …oh!"

She clapped a hand across her mouth mid-twirl and stared around in horror, thanking her luck that the room was deserted. Reaching for her dressing gown and a pair of old socks (both cast-offs from Charlie), Ginny pulled them on in haste and hurried out of the dormitory after Parvati.

**_Meanwhile, in the boys_****_'_****_ dormitory_****_…_****__**

Harry was awoken by the sound of singing. Bad singing. He looked up groggily and lurched out of bed, pulling the curtains aside to discover whom the owner of the voice could be. The sight that met his eyes was not a particularly pleasant one. Neville Longbottom was sitting on the edge of his bed, eyes closed, running his hand slowly up and down his exposed and very hairy legs singing the lyrics to 'Like a Virgin'. Harry lingered briefly on the idea that he was still dreaming, then dismissed it as idle fantasy. He was sure he'd been having a very nice dream, unsullied by images of the semi-clad Neville singing Madonna hits. No, he had to be awake. Even his subconscious couldn't think up something this bizarre.

Harry looked over to the bed next to his, where Ron was sitting up in a similar state of disbelief. 

"Neville?" ventured Harry.

Neville opened his eyes, seemingly oblivious to his actions of the past few minutes.

"Mmmmm?"

"What are y-?"

Harry was prevented from completing his sentence by the noisy arrival of Seamus Finnegan who had suddenly burst in to the room.

"Bloody hell!" Seamus exclaimed, "quick lads, get your clothes on, you can't miss this, Parvati Patil's swinging from the chandeliers practically naked!"

Neville looked slightly disappointed, while Ron and Dean practically fell over their own feet in their haste to reach their clothes. While his roommates hurriedly pulled on their clothes and ran out of the dormitory, Harry looked blearily around for his dressing gown. He'd had a late Quidditch practice last night and when he'd finally got to bed his sleep had been disturbed by strange dreams full of fire, and for some reason, sheep. He found the garment in a heap under the bed and hurried out of the room and down the stairs, pulling it on as he ran. He was shocked to find that Seamus had spoken no less than the truth. Parvati Patil was in fact swinging from a chandelier, wearing- what on earth was she wearing? 

Several Gryffindor boys were standing in a crowd in the common room below her in varying degrees of shock or amusement, Harry's roommates among them. "Go Parvati!" Dean shouted as she dropped from the chandelier and began to gyrate wildly on a small table. However, the smiles were soon wiped from their faces.

"Ms Patil, what in heaven's name do you think you're doing?" boomed the angry voice of Professor McGonagall.

With a noticeable start, Parvati seemed to come to her senses and she jumped down to hide behind a dumbstruck Lavender Brown.

Professor McGonagall advanced towards the cowering girl, her rouge dressing gown sliding apart to reveal tartan garters and a corset. 

"Oh!" cried the Professor, blushing and trying to cover up her unsightly assets. "Oh no, I was saving this for Albus especially."

McGonagall emitted a loud squeak upon realising what she had just said, and dived back through the portrait hole, her hand returning only to re-claim a tartan slipper.

The Gryffindors would have been in hoots of laughter had it not been for the fact that a) the sight of McGonagall in a tartan corset had been so deeply disturbing and b) they all seemed to have the urge to commit the most bizarre and out-of-character acts.

"You were great, Parvati, you really were!" said Dean as Lavender ushered a dazed, shocked looking Parvati back to their dormitory. He seemed awfully keen to comfort her.

"I suppose an encore's out of the question?" Seamus called after them hopefully.

Just then Harry noticed Ginny standing at the other side of the common room. As their eyes met across the room Harry suddenly felt the strangest sensation. It felt like- like- icy fingers up and down his spine. Like- black magic. That old black magic. Involuntarily Harry began to tap his foot, and all of a sudden the hideous realisation dawned upon him that he was on the verge of bursting into song. Looking slightly horrified, he spun on his heel and rushed up to his dormitory as quickly as he could, leaving Ginny staring after him with the strangest look upon her face.

Charming, thought Ginny as one look at her sent Harry dashing off looking as though he were about to vomit. So this is what happens when he sees me first thing in the morning with mad hair. Somewhat deflated, Ginny went back up to her dormitory to change for breakfast.

"Uh, guys?" said Ron, who was staring fixedly out of the window.

"Hmm?"

"Okay, you have to come and look at this…"

Curiously, the group of Gryffindor boys went over to the window and crowded round, peering out eagerly. Outside were a number of Hogwarts girls, including several Gryffindors, prancing round the grounds dressed in flimsy white tutus with feathers. 

"What-?" was all one fourth year could manage.

"Ours not to reason why, mate. They are women, after all," said Seamus with a chuckle, swigging some brandy from his hip-flask. "Just enjoy the show!"

"Hang on, is that- that can't be- oh my God, it is!" cut in Ron in a voice of pure disbelief. "Look, the one doing those big leapy things – it's… Malfoy!"

"In a tutu? Now that's more than I needed to know."

"Where? Where?" burst out Neville, pushing to the front of the group.

Needless to say, seeing everyone's least-favourite Slytherin wearing a ridiculously short skirt and spangled tights had somewhat dampened most of the Gryffindors' enthusiasm for watching this particular spectacle. Muttering amongst themselves about how Malfoy always managed to spoil everything, the boys shuffled back to their respective dormitories, either to have a lie in or to get dressed for breakfast.

**_Later, at breakfast_****_…_****__**

"Oh dear God, please tell me I'm not seeing what I think I'm seeing," said Ron in a strangled tone, staring up at the staff table.

"Depends what you think you're seeing, Ronniekins," replied one of the Weasley twins. 

"'Cause if you think you're seeing a talking cow called Daisy hovering three feet above McGonagall's head, then it's time to see Madame Pomfrey" added the other twin.

Ron grimaced. "Try three feet below McGonagall…"

There was a great craning of heads at the Gryffindor table to see what Ron was alluding to.

"Ron, what- oh!" said Hermione as she caught sight of Professor McGonagall playing footsie under the table with Professor Swift, the Muggle Studies teacher, a tall, burly man with a weather-beaten face and streaks of grey in his black hair. "Goodness."

"There's another thing to put on the list of things I'd rather not have seen this morning," said Dean, tucking into a large Cornish pasty. "What the hell is that racket?" he burst out a moment later with his mouth full.

'That racket' was two Hufflepuff girls who hadn't been able to restrain themselves from bursting into a medley of the Wyrd Sisters' greatest hits, while all the teachers seemed too wrapped up in other things to put a stop to it. Even Snape, usually the first to put a stop to anything that looked remotely fun, was too busy attempting to flirt with the new Care of Magical Creatures teacher even to notice the singers, who had now been joined by two boys who added the harmony.

Ginny sneaked a furtive glance at Harry across the table. He didn't look well, she decided. In fact, he looked pretty worried about something. He kept biting his lip in that endearing way of his that made her want to- no. She rebuked herself for thinking about Harry like that again. You're over him, remember? she reminded herself. She sighed heartily. If she was so over him, then why did she have the urge to go over and give him a big- Ginny cut that thought off before it could develop any further and buried her gaze in her porridge. She had vowed in her third year that there was no point in being in love with Harry Potter if Harry Potter was barely aware of her existence, and she had taken steps to try and forget his brave, generous heart, and his brilliant green eyes, and his adorable nose, and the way his eyes lit up whe-

"Ginny?" Ron's voice disturbed her from her reverie, and she blushed as she realised she must have been grinning to herself.

"What?"

"Wake up, that's the third time I've asked you. I said 'do you know where Hermione's gone?' " 

"Er, no, sorry. I didn't notice she'd left." Ginny hoped to God that Ron hadn't noticed her staring at Harry earlier. Ron had never understood her feelings for his best friend, dismissing it as hero worship, a schoolgirl crush. Oh, if only he knew. "And they called it puppy love, oh I guess they'll never know, how a young heart-" Ginny's eyes widened as she realised that she'd just begun to sing quietly to herself, and she pursed her lips tightly shut to stop anything else coming out. 

"What?" asked Ron with his mouth full.

"Oh, nothing, nothing. I might, um, go and look for Hermione." Grabbing a piece of toast from George's plate, Ginny hurried out.

= = =

As she walked back to the common room that evening, Ginny tried hard not to think about Harry, but it was no good. It was like trying not to think about pink elephants or Welsh people- the harder you tried, the more they popped into your head. Finally she gave up trying and surrendered to the incessant music in her head.

"Ooh, the closer you get, the better you look, babe," she sang quietly as she walked along the deserted corridor. 

"Ooooh, ooooooh." 

Ginny looked nervously over her shoulder at the small group of second years who were skipping along behind her singing backing lyrics. She quickened her pace a little. If she was going to lose control and make a fool of herself she might as well do it in private. 

"When you turn on your smile, you m-"

Suddenly Neville leaped round a corner in front of her and started belting out at the top of his voice, "-make my heart go wild, I'm like a child with a brand new tooooyeee!" Ginny faltered and stopped as Neville threw himself into the song, heart, body and soul. "Sweetest feeliiiiiiiing, honey the sweetest, sweetest feeliiiiiiiiing!" He launched into an energetic tap-dance culminating in a gravity-defying leap into the air, landing in the splits position.

There was a pause. Then, "ouch." Ginny ran over to help as Neville levered himself up from the floor, wincing. "I think I sprained my groin," he said in a slightly laboured voice.

The second year backing singers appeared to come to their senses, and ran off tittering. "One word of this to anyone and I'll come after you with an axe!" threatened Ginny after them, not entirely in jest. "Oh, God," she said softly to herself. "What the hell is going on?"

= = =

These were almost Harry's exact words as he found himself part of a Conga line winding down to the shore of the Great Lake. "Let's all do the Con-ga! Let's all do the Con-ga!" chanted Professor Flitwick from the front of the line, swinging what appeared to be a pair of lilac frilly knickers round his head, hopefully not his own.

Just then Harry caught sight of a tall, shadowy figure lurking by the lakeside in what seemed to him to be a very sinister manner. Breaking away from the line as it began to twist back towards the castle, he cautiously made his way towards the figure, drawing his wand warily. The figure turned slightly and started as it caught sight of Harry, and then began to move purposefully towards him with a strange, lurching gait.

_A/N Next chapter you__'__ll get to see a little more of dear old Voldie, plus a few shenanigans with the staff__…__hands up all those who want to see Snape serenading another teacher and totally embarrassing himself in the process!_


	3. 2 Heartaches and a Highland Fling

**Chapter Two: Heartaches and a Highland Fling **  
  
  


"Who's there?" challenged Harry as the dark figure approached him. "Lumos!"   
  


In the beam of light from the tip of his wand Harry could see that the sinister figure was Professor Snape, looking extremely annoyed and clutching one hand to his eye, the other to his crotch. Harry took a confused step backwards as the enraged looking professor drew near.   
  


"Don't stand there with your mouth open, Potter, you'll catch flies," snapped Snape as he hobbled past. Harry stared as the professor vanished into the dusk. Just then a movement from the lake caught his eye. It was the giant squid, waving its tentacles about in rather a threatening manner. It made an obscene gesture at Harry – or was it aimed at the retreating figure of Snape? – and flopped back into the water with a colossal splash.   
  


Harry walked back to the castle, going as slowly as possible to avoid catching up with Snape. When he reached the portrait hole, he was surprised to see that the Fat Lady was nowhere in sight. "Damn it," he muttered to himself. The Fat Lady must have gone visiting someone, leaving him stranded outside. Just as Harry was about to turn and go, a sound drew his attention back to the portrait. The Fat Lady appeared in the frame, her hair awry, fastening the top button of her dress hurriedly.   
  


"Well?" she said breathlessly. There was a clanking sound from somewhere below her and she turned beetroot red and hissed something at whoever was down there. "Password?" she snapped at Harry.   
  


"Er – dancing queen." The portrait swung open to reveal the circular hole that lead to the Gryffindor common room. As Harry clambered through it he heard a muffled 'slapping' sound and a giggle from behind him. "Oh, Clarence!" simpered the Fat Lady. Who on earth Clarence was Harry had absolutely no desire to know, and he didn't stay to find out.   
  


Things weren't much better inside the common room, where the first sight to meet Harry's eyes was that of Seamus Finnegan standing on a chair singing 'Sex Bomb' while doing a rather lewd dance in Parvati's direction. Parvati was giggling and winking at him while Lavender Brown was attempting to give Ron a sly, come-hither stare.   
  


Harry went to sit by Ron, who was frowning over a sheet of parchment. "What's wrong?" asked Harry.   
  


Ron jumped at the sound of Harry's voice and attempted to cover the parchment with his hands. "Lavender keeps giving me this really weird look," he replied, hunching over whatever it was he had been working on.   
  


"You, erm, doing homework?" asked Harry.   
  


"No!" Ron exclaimed, then, "That is, yes. Homework. That's right. Ahem." Ron hugged the parchment protectively to his chest, glaring around the room suspiciously.   
  


"Riiight." Harry opened his bag and took out his Transfiguration textbook, a sheet of parchment, a quill and ink. "Oh, have you seen Hermione at all?" he asked, remembering that she'd promised to 'help' him with the project. Even though Hermione's idea of 'help' wasn't quite what Harry was after, it was better than nothing.   
  


"No! Why would I have? What are you trying to say? Just what do you mean by that, eh, eh?"   
  


Harry raised his hands in a gesture of peace. "Nothing, I was just wondering if you knew where she was. That's all. Calm down, would you?"   
  


"No I will most certainly not calm down! There is nothing going on between Hermione and me. I haven't got her under my skin, I am getting absolutely no good vibrations from her whatsoever, and she's definitely not my _sunshine, my only sunshine_-" Ron broke off as he realised he'd started to sing. "I'm just going out for some air," he muttered and rushed off. As he pushed the portrait open, there was a squeal of protest from the Fat Lady ('don't you lot ever _knock?_'), and a moment later he was gone.   
  


Harry began to rearrange the bits of parchment that Ron had sent flying and caught sight of one piece with "Ode To Hermione" written at the top and a few scribbled out lines underneath. Just then there was another squeal from the Gryffindor portrait ('is there no _privacy_ in this place?') and Neville appeared through the hole, followed by Ginny. Harry felt like his stomach was suddenly made of lead when he saw the familiar way Neville's arm was draped around Ginny's shoulder. Neville winced as he hobbled across to a chair, Ginny by his side.   
  


"You alright, mate?" someone asked.   
  


"Ouch, no. Overexerted a muscle in my groin back there. Gin and I got a bit overexcited." Neville sat back and stretched out his legs, completely oblivious to the mirth his comments were causing to the other Gryffindors.   
  


Just then Ginny noticed Harry standing at the other side of the room. Their eyes met and Ginny's stomach did a double back flip. Strangely enough, it seemed to her as though the crowd of Gryffindors mysteriously parted and everything suddenly started happening in slow motion. She could hear strains of violin music in her head and to her utmost horror, Ginny found herself opening her mouth as if to burst into song! She clamped her mouth firmly shut and looked guiltily around to see if anyone had noticed, casually picking up a magazine that happened to be lying on a nearby table, to cover her reddening face.   
  


However, it was not just Ginny who had felt 'an urge' at that moment in time. Upon catching Ginny's eyes Harry had felt the irrepressible desire to tap dance his way across the room finishing with a rather impressive jazz hands spectacular. Luckily for him Ginny had snatched up a magazine, covering her face with it, and missed Harry's dazzling performance.   
  


Harry steadied his hands, raised himself up off one knee, and cleared his throat loudly. Ginny jumped obviously and sent her magazine clattering to the floor.   
  


"Oh, sorry," both Harry and Ginny stammered at once.   
  


Both turned away blushing and Harry bent quickly to pick Ginny's magazine up from the floor. As he handed it back to her his eyes suddenly caught sight of the cover and he started. Ginny emitted a loud squeak as she too caught sight of the cover. It featured the naked torso of a man with a fire hose swung over his shoulder and the simple title 'Muggle Men in Uniform'.   
  


"Oh, oh my, Harry! This isn't my magazine, I, I found it on the table just a minute ago, honestly," Ginny stammered.   
  


Harry laughed feebly and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "I, er, things seem a bit weird at the moment don't they?"   
  


"Yeah, I know what you mean," replied Ginny, hastily tossing the magazine back onto the table. "I constantly feel like _I'm in the mood for dancing, I feel like dancing, I'm…"_   
  


Ginny's eyes widened and she stopped herself, resorting to studying the pattern on the arm of the chair intently. There was an awkward silence between the two of them, which was broken only by Neville's clumsy attempts to pass Harry.   
  


"Good Lord! My groin! I say, I don't suppose either of you have seen a magazine of mine? I think I may have left around here," Neville queried.   
  


"Erm, I don't think so Nev, none that could be yours anyway," Ginny replied and Harry grimaced slightly at the easy way in which Ginny referred to him as 'Nev'.   
  


"Oh, never mind. Ah, there it is!" Neville exclaimed, reaching for the magazine that Ginny had placed on the table beside her not five minutes earlier.   
  


Harry and Ginny both regarded him open-mouthed.   
  


"Well, I'm off for a bath, soak myself, have a bit of a read, you know. See you guys." And with that Neville hobbled off up the staircase towards his dormitory, one hand clutching the handrail to steady himself, the other clutching the magazine to his groin.   
  


"Um, nice weather we've been having recently, eh?" Ginny stated, steering the conversation away from the subject of Neville's peculiar reading tastes.   
  


"Yes, yes it has been," assented Harry, "you, erm, you've been well I hope? You certainly look well. What I mean is, I, you don't look ill or anything. Seems like I haven't spoken to you in what must be a week. I like our quirky little conversations, Ginny. They cheer me up sometimes, and take my mind away from other things."   
  


Harry's face had clouded over. Ginny regarded him, slightly concerned and gently placed her hand on his forearm reassuringly. Harry jumped, recovered himself and bid her a hasty farewell.   
  


"Goodnight," Ginny replied as he darted off in the same direction as Neville.   
  


_I like them too, Harry, I like them too_, she thought wistfully.

  
  


= = =   
  


The next morning at breakfast McGonagall stood up and clapped her hands to draw the attention of the room. This took a little more doing than usual, since the sound of various people singing added to the normal breakfast din. "May I have your attention for a moment? May I- _Mr. Malfoy!_ Would you kindly climb _down_ from the table and give Miss Bulstrode back her, er, her padding?"   
  


"I knew it!" exclaimed Lavender triumphantly from the Gryffindor table. "I _knew_ Millicent Bulstrode wore falsies!"   
  


Finally there was silence in the Great Hall and McGonagall cleared her throat and straightened the earflaps of her tartan hat. "Boys and girls, I'm afraid I have grave tidings to tell," continued the professor. "As some of you may be aware, the Giant Squid has been with us for a number of years now." Only Hermione looked as though she knew what the Professor was talking about. No wonder, Harry thought. She's the only one who's managed to get through the whole of 'Hogwarts – A History' without the desire to slit her wrists with the pages.   
  


McGonagall looked upset as she went on, and several of the teachers furtively wiped tears from their eyes as they listened to her. "The Giant Squid has been a central part of our Hogwarts society for a great many years now and it gives us great pain to have to say goodbye after such a long and happy time." Flitwick took a large paisley patterned handkerchief from his sleeve and blew his nose loudly. "However, due to, ahem, a slight _altercation_ with one of the Hogwarts teaching staff, our amphibian friend has decided to move on to pastures – or should I say waters, ha-ha, ahem – anew. Of course, that left the position of guardian of the Great Lake vacant. Now, we have been most fortunate to receive a new guardian so soon, and such a willing and capable one at that. Now let's have a big round of applause for the newest member of the Hogwarts faculty, the friendly ex-dweller of Scottish lakes, Nessie MacDougal!"   
  


The applause was half–hearted to say the least. As long as they weren't physically in it themselves, very few of the students really cared who or what lived in the lake.   
  


Snape seemed torn between making eyes, or rather 'eye', at the Care of Magical Creatures teacher and glowering round at the students as though he held each and every one of them personally accountable for the huge bruise under his eye.   
  


"'Altercation' indeed," snorted Ron, "look at Snape, or rather look at that beauty of a black eye he's got."   
  


As Professor McGonagall sank down into her seat once more, Ron and Hermione prepared to leave the table.   
  


"I don't suppose anyone knows where Neville is?" Ginny asked, "it's just, it's most unlike him to miss breakfast."   
  


"Neville, Neville, Neville," muttered Harry under his breath as he too got up. "It's always bloody Neville."   
  


"What was that, Harry?"   
  


Harry looked up to find Hermione and Ginny staring at him. Ron appeared to be too busy staring at Hermione to have noticed anything.   
  


"Just saying, I've no idea where Neville could be," said Harry, moving aside to allow room enough for Professor Winklebottom-Smythe, the Care of Magical Creatures teacher, to pass by.   
  


"Aah, yeah, me neither Gin. Maybe he's-oof!"   
  


"Out of my way, Weasley," growled Professor Snape as he tore past Ron and Harry, knocking Ron into his cold porridge.   
  


"Oh, charming," muttered Ron, wiping his congealed breakfast off his robes.   
  


"Wonder where he's going."   
  


"Who cares? Hopefully to his untimely death."   
  


"Ron," scolded Hermione as all four made their way towards the exit of the Great Hall.   
  


As they reached the corridor, they happened upon a most bizarre sight. Snape was on one knee in front of the Professor Winklebottom-Smythe, snatching at her hand with his as she tried to draw it away. Suddenly she turned on her heel and strode away down the corridor leaving Snape alone, still bent on one knee.   
  


"Paula! Please, my love…"   
  


However, she took no heed of Snape's pathetic pleas and turned the corner.   
  


Harry and Ginny and Ron and Hermione each exchanged looks. There was a deadly silence in the corridor except for the sound of sobbing drifting from the dejected Snape who began to croon softly to himself, as he drew himself up off the floor.

"_All by myseeelf, don't wanna be, all by myself. 'Coz it feels-"_   
  


Snape broke off suddenly as he turned to find the four Gryffindors standing behind him, open-mouthed and very bemused. A look of horror flooded his face, only to be replaced with one of rage.   
  


"And what are you all staring at?" demanded Snape. "Get to your common room NOW! And fifty points from Gryffindor for- for looking so goddamn _happy_!"   
  


Snape's voice broke slightly on that last sentence and he rushed away past them down the corridor as several Hufflepuffs emerged from the Great Hall laughing and chatting.   
  


"Well," said Ron, a smug smile on his face, "looks like Snape's got it bad. Such a pity he seems to repulse women."   
  


"Isn't it just?" added Harry, "Oh no, we'd better get moving, Filch is coming. I don't really feel like an argument with him this early in the morning."   
  


The quartet of Gryffindors was fortunate enough to have rounded the corner in time to miss the suggestive banter that passed between Professor Sprout and Argus Filch.   
  


_"What's new pussycat? Whoa, whoa-oh. What's new pussycat? Whoa, whooaaa…"_ sang Filch, leering as Professor Sprout sashayed past.   
  


"Oh, Argy, I'm so glad someone noticed," she simpered. "I've got my new fishnets on." She lifted the hem of her robe to display a plump, fishnet-clad leg, while those students unfortunate enough to be around recoiled and covered their eyes.   
  


= = =   
  


As they reached the entrance to the portrait hole Ginny expressed a desire to search for Neville and dashed off down the corridor leaving Harry grumbling to himself and Hermione and Ron glancing coyly at each other from time to time.   
  


"Well, I'm going back to bed," began Ron decisively as they entered the common room.   
  


Hermione looked flabbergasted. "But it's only half past eight!"   
  


"Exactly, _eight-thirty_ on a _Saturday_ morning. Besides, what do you think weekends are for anyway, apart from resting?" retorted Ron.

"Well, I'm going to complete some homework early," said Hermione.   
  


"For a change," muttered Ron.   
  


"What was that?"   
  


"Never mind. Come on Harry, I may give you a game of chess after all. You willing to be thrashed by me again?"   
  


Hermione shook her head and walked away.   
  


Ron rolled his eyes. "Honestly, she can be so bloody boring at times. So, Harry, you game?"

"Yeah, okay."   
  


"My board's in the dormitory," answered Ron, making his way to the staircase leading up to the boys' dormitory.   
  


"Ron," began Harry, as they began to climb the stairs, "is Ginny very good friends with Neville? She seems to spend a lot of time with him."   
  


"No idea. She did write to him a lot in the holidays though, owls shooting past at every time of the day. George got hit in the head once by one of them. Mind you, I think the owl came off worse from it. Why do you want to know, anyway?"   
  


"Er, no reason, just curious," Harry replied as Ron twisted the knob of the dormitory door.   
  


"Now," he said as they entered the empty room, "Chessboard, chessboard -argh!" Both boys jumped at the sight of Neville coming out of the closet.   
  


"Neville? What?" began Harry, a puzzled look on his face.   
  


"You see what I did there? Do you? Do you?" questioned Neville excitedly.   
  


Ron stood clutching his chessboard, blankly staring at him. "Neville. You freak me out sometimes."   
  


And with that Harry and Ron left the room, leaving Neville to sink down disappointedly onto his bed, fingering the pink feather boa that was strewn across it.   
  


= = =   
  


Meanwhile, somewhere in England, there lurked sinister forces at work. The origin of these forces, if one searched very carefully, could be pinpointed as being a grand stately home in the middle of the Derbyshire countryside. Inside the manor, a small, quite revolting man, at this precise moment in time, was scurrying along a corridor in search of his master. 

As Pettigrew reached the door to the room his master had come to term his 'boudoir', he stopped, his hand on the doorknob, listening intently to the noises coming from within the room. He could clearly hear his master reciting some kind of poetry. Love poetry, he suspected. Women's love poetry at that.   
  


_"-here to satisfy your clamorous desires… Lover, I refuse thee!"_   
  


"Oh no," muttered Peter.   
  


He raised his hand and knocked on the door. Inside the room, Voldemort ceased striding up and down the room, cast aside his book of poetry and, pinching some colour into his cheeks, flew to the door and wrenched it open. His eyes were alight with excitement.   
  


"Fitzwilliam, my love, you've arri- oh, it's you."   
  


The expectant gleam in Voldemort's eyes faded as he stepped aside to admit his loyal yet annoying minion into his room.   
  


Peter cast his eyes around in wonder as he struggled to take in the sight before him. The room was no longer whitewashed, with heavy dark wood furniture, but had been magically transformed into an extremely feminine bedchamber. From the four-poster bedstead hung an exquisite white silk, on every available surface stood svelte vases of white lilies, and perhaps what was most disturbing was the sight of his master, dressed in lilac and purple, sitting down at his vanity mirror and beginning softly to brush his hair with a set of ladies' brushes which he insisted Maxim had given him as a wedding present.   
  


"Well, sit down Peter. Oh, I say, these corsets don't half chafe. Give you great cleavage though."   
  


Peter sat down on the edge of the bed and watched his master slowly readjust himself inside his undergarment.   
  


Turning to face him, Voldemort crossed his legs and fluffed up his hair. "Yes?"   
  


"Master, I just came to inform you that the spell has taken hold perfectly. It's absolute mayhem at Hogwarts. The teachers are too randy to notice the students, and the students are too busy committing untoward acts with each other to notice anything."   
  


"Oh Peter, you are a darling to come and tell me this. I'm so happy, positively elated. All my plans are coming into play; I'm reading a darling little volume called Wuthering Heights and the spell could not have worked more perfectly. Also, I have a wonderful little French chap coming to deliver some eau d'cologne later today, lily of the valley - my favourite scent. Isn't that marvellous?"   
  


"Er, yes my Lord."   
  


"Well don't sound too convincing, will you?" The Dark Lord emitted a little sob. "You do know how to quash a girl's feelings." Voldemort turned dramatically back to his mirror, covering his eyes with the back of his hand.   
  


"Your lack of enthusiasm has hurt me, Peter. Just leave. No, I don't want to hear it. I can't face you at the moment. All I can say is I'm so glad that I no longer have to rely on you for my plans to work. Not now, anyway, now that my little friend is soon to penetrate those enchanted walls. Hoorah for Basil, my most trusted minion."   
  


Wormtail slipped unnoticed from the room as his high-strung master burst into a bout of manic laughter.   
  


_A/N The authoresses would like to thank everyone who's read the story so far, and we urge you to continue. Things will soon be, erm… heating up at Hogwarts… tell you what, while you're here, how about you pop by and leave a line or two of review, just let us know you've read it, eh? Ten points for whoever can guess where our broad hints about Neville's, erm… orientation… are leading!_


	4. 3 Can't Stop the Music

**Chapter Three: Can't Stop The Music**

**_In the little village of Hogsmeade…_**

Harry turned around, having just made his purchases at Honeydukes, only to be confronted with the very person he both longed and dreaded to see, Ginny. Harry managed a lopsided smile, which Ginny returned. "Fizzing Whizbee?" he asked, thrusting a paper bag under her nose. "Or would you like a Chocolate Frog? Or a tooth-flossing string mint? Or something else – I've got just about the entire contents of Honeydukes here!" 

Ginny smiled. Harry's stomach did a couple of cartwheels and a handspring. 

"Thanks, Harry." Ginny took a Fizzing Whizbee, her eyes following Harry as he left the shop hurriedly. _"Hey, big spender,"_ she sang softly to herself. _"Hey, big spender!"_ she sang a little louder, attracting an odd look from the woman behind the counter. _"Spend a little time with me…"_ Ginny paused wistfully as she watched Harry walk off down the street with a gaggle of Hufflepuff girls.

**_Meanwhile…_**

Dean Thomas was having a most strange morning. First of all, he'd been woken at God knew what time by Harry singing something that sounded like "save all your kisses for me" in his sleep. Dean had thrown a pillow at his dorm-mate and finally he'd got back to sleep. Then, at breakfast, he'd embarrassed himself in front of the whole school. He wasn't quite sure how that had happened: one minute Lavender had been telling him about how difficult she was finding Charms; the next he was standing on his chair, one hand draped over his knee as his foot rested on the table, the other reaching dramatically into the air, singing 'Climb Every Mountain' while the Gryffindors cheered and clapped him on.

And now, to top it all off, he'd bought a hamster.

Dean caught sight of a crowd of his classmates standing outside Zonko's and went over to speak to them, clutching the hamster foolishly.

"Hey Dean. What've you bought?" asked Ron as he hurriedly tried to get the lid back on a tube of Jingo's Jumping Jellybeans before they escaped.

Dean held out the hamster and grinned sheepishly. "He's called Basil."

Ron looked at Basil. Basil looked at Ron. "Where'd you get it?" Ron asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously as the hamster continued to stare at him.

"It was the weirdest thing. I was going past this alleyway when I had this thought, 'why don't I have a familiar?' Ever since Twinkletoes died I've been without one, you see. Then, as luck would have it, this guy in a leather jacket with a handlebar moustache came along who happened to have a hamster for sale. I mean, talk about a co-incidence!" Dean blinked and looked confused for a moment. "At least… I think… that's what happened…"

"You do know hamsters aren't allowed as familiars at Hogwarts?" chipped in Hermione over Ron's shoulder, while Ron pulled a face.

"Really? Oh well, they'll never notice him. He talks, you know."

Ron coughed incredulously. "Oh, really. Can it fly as well?" Ron had torn his gaze away from that of the hamster, although he kept giving it suspicious glances as he spoke, as though he expected to catch it doing something it shouldn't.

"Que?" asked the hamster.

"Wicked!" said Ron. "What else does it say?"

"Well, erm, just that really. I've been trying to teach him to sing Britney's 'I'm Not A Girl' but he just doesn't get it."

Hermione, true to form, was worried, and not just about Dean singing Britney Spears' songs. "Maybe you should tell Professor McGonagall, Dean. After all, it's not normal for a hamster to talk, and that man who sold it to you sounds dodgy, and not just because of what he was wearing."

"No! No! Nobody's going to take my precious Basil away from me! Nobody, do you hear me, nobody!" With this outburst, Dean ran off, clutching the hamster to his chest protectively.

Ron shook his head as the Gryffindor boy ran away down the street, hissing at passers-by who gave him strange looks. "Weird." Just then he jumped visibly as Hermione touched his elbow.

"Ron, I'm just going to have a bit of a wander with Ginny. We'll see you two at The Three Broomsticks in an hour."

Ron's face clouded. "Does this have anything to do with those…" his eyes darted from side-to-side, "…sailor types who're in the village?" Many of the Hogwarts girls had gone crazy when they discovered that a number of members of the WSF, the Wizarding Sea Force, were in town, though what they were doing this far from the actual sea was anyone's guess. Ron's voice clearly showed his contempt for the seagoing wizards whom all the girls went wild over.

"No, Ron, it does not. We just thought we'd go and look at something other than sweets, practical-jokes and butterbeer for a change!" Hermione stalked off and was joined by Ginny further down the street.

Ron sighed. "Women, eh?" he remarked to a small Spanish-looking man standing nearby. Ron did a double-take at the man, shrugged and headed towards the pub.

= = =

As Hermione and Ginny approached The Three Broomsticks an hour later, they noticed a fair-sized crowd gathering outside. The sound of raised voices reached their ears, and the first thing Ginny saw as they drew near was the bloodied, unconscious form of Neville being dragged from the pub. Then a number of the sailors in their distinctive dark blue and white robes burst out protesting loudly followed by Madame Rosmerta, the landlady.

"Is he okay?" asked Ginny, pushing to the front of the crowd to reach Neville's side.

"Oh, he's fine," said Ron, coming up behind her. "He just got floored by a punch from a six foot sailor."

"Oh no! You're kidding!" Ginny patted Neville's cheek and called his name softly while Harry glowered at them from a distance.

"It was awesome!" said Seamus as a burly dwarf ejected him from the pub. "Neville said something to this sailor, and he just went ballistic, and 'wham!'"

Neville raised his head slightly and peered up at the fuzzy shapes above him. "Wake me up before you go-go," he muttered before blacking out again.

"That doesn't sound very awesome!" said Ginny to Seamus angrily.

"Oh no, the awesome bit comes next. So Harry goes over and tries to stop the sailor, right, and he gets hit too, so Ron and Dean and me naturally jumped in to protect him, and before we knew it, it was a brawl! Imagine that, a real, live brawl!"

"Forgive me if I don't congratulate you on your manliness," she said coldly.

"Ginny, there was really nothing we could have done – the guy just attacked Neville!" Ginny looked up to see Harry standing over her, a bruise already forming on his cheekbone. He looked genuinely upset and sorry and Ginny's heart melted. She opened her lips to speak and-

"What in heaven's name is going on here?" Professor Sprout appeared, puffing slightly from the strain of running down the street. She stopped, looked up, caught sight of the crowd of sailors and suddenly her whole demeanour changed. "Well, hello there," she purred, sauntering over to them while the crowd of students watched, expressions ranging from shocked to downright horrified pasted onto their faces. "What seems to be the problem, Captain?" she asked of a bewildered Lieutenant. She touched his arm lightly and gave a little gasp. "My, you're so muscular, and so… so… virile! May I please squeeze your bicep?" She fluttered her eyelashes at him and gave him a coy smile.

"Oh. My. God," said Ginny quietly, unwilling to watch the Herbology teacher chatting up a man at least thirty years her junior, yet strangely unable to look away.

"You're telling me," said Harry, wincing.

"So what did Neville say to make this bloke hit him?" Ginny asked, trying to take her mind off the sight before her.

"Oh, I dunno, it's weird. I'm not sure if I heard right, it was pretty loud in there, but it sounded like he said something like 'hey sailor!' in this really strange voice," replied Harry.

"Things are getting weird," was all Ron could manage. "Really, really weird."

= = =

"I am so not a morning person," grumbled Ron, as he and Harry made their way down the staircase from their dormitory. "Especially Monday mornings, there's something I particularly detest about Monday mornings. In fact, if I had to pick a day of the week which-"

Ron was halted mid-Monday rant by the sight of practically the entire of Gryffindor house pushing their noses up against the window of the common room overlooking the Great Lake.

"What the-?"

"Harry, Ron, come over here," Hermione gesticulated at them from the front of the throng of people. The two boys pushed their way through the crowd to see what Hermione was so excited about.

"Hermione," Ron began, "what's all the fuss about, why is everyone-?"

"Oh, just shut up and look Ron." Ron became immediately quiet and followed the direction in which Hermione's finger was pointing.

The sight that greeted him was a particularly spectacular one. On the shore of the lake stood the majority of the Hogwarts teaching staff, all battling with a giant sea creature which seemed to be writhing about in the lake and flinging its tentacles madly in the direction of Professor Snape, who was hovering at the back of the crowd of teachers.

As the students looked on in wide-eyed amazement, Professor McGonagall broke in to a run in the direction of the castle, glancing up at the window and glaring at the students. 

Everyone immediately withdrew from the window as they heard footsteps approaching the portrait hole. Harry took up a 'casual' pose, reclining on one elbow on the back of a chair before realising he was pressing himself up against Ginny who had been standing at the window next to him. Stammering an apology to an extremely red-faced Ginny, Harry jumped a foot back just as McGonagall burst through the portrait hole into the common room.

"Gryffindors," she began, breathing heavily. "As you may have seen, we're having a little trouble settling Ms. MacDougal into life in the lake. However, the problem is being dealt with, and I'm sure you'll all be pleased to hear that it has been decided to give the entire school the morning off so that the issue can be addressed fully by the teaching staff."

She turned, preparing to leave the room.

"Professor?"

"Yes?" she spun to face Lavender Brown.

"Is Nessie okay? Only, my mother has this book which says behaviour like that is only exhibited by monsters of her size when they're-"

"Thank you Lavender, that's quite enough. It is none of your concern what is ailing Ms. MacDougal. I will only say this, you all of course know the old proverb, 'when love goes wrong, nothing goes right.'" McGonagall turned quickly and exited the common room as a group of first year girls melodically echoed her ominous last words.

Ron glanced around at the other Gryffindors. "Weird. Definitely weird."

Hermione rolled her eyes as Ron yet again came out with what was fast becoming his favourite word. "I have to go and see… erm… Professor McGonagall. I'll see you later."

"But we just saw McGonagall!" Ron called after her as she hurried out.

= = =

Hermione wasn't sure what was going on in her head, but it definitely wasn't normal, and she didn't like it one bit. She didn't like feeling so utterly helpless when it came to what she said and did. For a moment back there, as Ron had pressed himself against her in his eagerness to look out of the window, she had almost lost control altogether and done something to embarrass herself and her friend. Her _friend_, she reminded herself firmly. There was no need to spoil a perfectly good friendship just because she was having certain… feelings towards him.

She noticed other students begin to appear in the grounds, taking advantage of the morning off to get outside in the sunshine. Wanting to avoid seeing Ron right now, Hermione meandered away from them, enjoying the feel of the sunshine on her face as she strolled away from the castle. But try as she might, thoughts of her tall, ginger-haired friend kept entering her head.

"_I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of…?_" Hermione sang softly to herself, and smiled sadly. Part of her wanted to dismiss it as part of this madness that had taken everyone over, but part of her knew she loved him. It seemed the latter part was winning. "_All you need is love!"_ she shouted. "_Love is a many splendoured thing!"_

"_Love lifts us up where we belong, where eagles fly, on a mountain high!"_ she sang, running across the grass, feeling free as a bird. Hermione flung herself down in the long grass under a tree, smiling, her worries forgotten as she lost herself in dreams of Ron.

A voice calling her name penetrated her thoughts, and Hermione sat up and opened her eyes just in time to see Ron tackling her to the ground, before she felt something heavy sweep the air just above her head.

Hermione rolled over, and with a warm feeling realised that Ron was lying on top of her. "Hermione, what the hell were you doing?" Ron yelled, his voice cracking slightly.

"What?"

"You were lying right under the Whomping Willow!"

"I was… _what_?" She looked up and saw that they had rolled just out of reach of its flailing branches. "But I- how…?" She looked dazed and upset.

On impulse Ron held Hermione tight as she began to shake. He'd gone to look for her when she hadn't reappeared, and when he'd peered through the half open door of McGonagall's office the sight of McGonagall and Swift _at it _on her desk was so traumatising he hadn't been able to move for a good ten minutes.

Once he had recovered from the experience, Ron had caught sight of Hermione disappearing across the grounds and come out to look for her. Then, to his horror, he'd seen her fling herself down right under the Whomping Willow, and without thinking he had charged across the grass and thrown himself on top of her, just as a huge, knobbly branch had made a swing at her head.

"Ron, you- you saved me!" Hermione smiled at him and before his brain knew what he was doing he had leaned in a little – not far, as they were still lying in each other's arms – and kissed her.

To Ron's surprise, Hermione had not turned away, looking shocked. In fact, she had kissed him back. Just as he was getting used to the idea that his friend was not repulsed at the mere thought of kissing him, Ron remembered something and broke away. He fished in his back pocket and a moment later drew out a small, flat box, which he presented to Hermione with a bashful grin.

"What's this?" asked Hermione, beaming at him as they crawled a little further away from the Whomping Willow.

"I, um, got it on Saturday in Hogsmeade, but I've been too afraid to give it to you."

Hermione gave him a delighted kiss and opened the box. Immediately the box began to sing the Muggle tune 'Daisy, Daisy', inserting 'Hermione' instead of 'Daisy' each time. Inside it was a little chocolate heart, with writing on it-

"'If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?'" choked out Hermione.

Ron grabbed it off her. "Hang on, it's not supposed to say that – I'll kill Fred and George!"

"Ron, don't worry, it's okay!" she said, laughing so hard she could barely get the words out. "Let's go back to the Common Room. Harry must be getting worried!" Grabbing Ron's hand she pulled him along after her.

= = =

_Later that day…_

"_Come on baby light my fire_," sang Harry to himself as he made his way down the corridor to the Great Hall.

"What? Oh, never mind. Come on Harry. I'm starved. Stop dawdling," barked Ron as he dashed past Harry in his hurry to reach the food.

Someone near them snickered. It was Draco Malfoy, flanked on either side by Crabbe and Goyle, who were looking lustfully at each other over Malfoy's head. "Oh, Weasley, the novelty of getting food when you need it not worn off yet, eh? Mind you, I suppose in a home like yours it's an absolute delight if you manage to scrape two knuts together to buy yourself a loaf of bread for the week."

"Oh, you swine Malfoy, can't you ever keep that huge mouth of yours shut?" Harry asked, and cringed inwardly as he realised he'd just called someone a 'swine.'

"What was that, Scarface? Say something, did you? Sorry, I was too distracted by the sight of that hideous gash on your forehead. How is your godfather anyway?" Draco folded his arms and smirked. "Dementors caught up with him yet?"

Harry took a step towards Malfoy, reaching into his robes for his wand but someone else got there first. All of a sudden, as if out of nowhere, a large Grecian urn smashed over Malfoy's head. Harry stood there astonished and looked over to where Ginny stood holding a large piece of the vase in her hands.

Recovering, Malfoy heaved himself up off the floor, pulling his wand out. "What the hell? Who do you think you are, Weasley? It'd be quite funny, really, if it wasn't so very pathetic, you defending Potter like that. Well, you've had your moment of fame now; go back into your brothers' shadows. You watch your back though, wouldn't want anything nasty happening to the baby Weasley, would we?" 

"Shut it Malfoy," Harry growled darkly.

"Oh, how sweet, orphan Potter defending the penniless Weasley; it can't be her money you're after, can it?"

"Leave Ginny alone, Malfoy, she's worth a hundred of you!"

Malfoy began to cackle at Harry's anger but was knocked to the floor as Harry threw himself onto him, knocking Malfoy's wand out of his hands. The boys scuffled on the floor whilst a crowd gathered round them chanting 'fight, fight, fight'.

"This is almost as good as being back in The Three Broomsticks on Saturday," shouted a delighted Seamus, flinging a hand into the air which clutched a flask of Ogden's Firewhisky 

"Crabbe! Goyle!" Malfoy screamed through a mouthful of blood.

Crabbe ran forward and kicked Harry in the stomach as he pinned Malfoy to the floor by his throat. Harry clutched his stomach breathlessly providing Malfoy with the advantage as he jumped on top of Harry, pinning his arms to the floor.

"Well, well, well, Potter, look who's got the upper hand. You like being on top, don't you, Harry!" Malfoy leered down at him suggestively. "I bet you're not used to losing a fight, what with those firm, Quidditch toned muscles, eh?" Draco's tone as he murmured in Harry's ear was getting decidedly lecherous.

Looking up at the blond Slytherin in pure shock, Harry writhed to get out of his surprisingly firm grasp. A look of utmost horror came onto Malfoy's face and he immediately withdrew his hands from Harry's arms, clapped one over his mouth, the other over his groin, and fled down the corridor. Crabbe and Goyle looked at each other, confused, before fleeing after their leader.

"That's right, Malfoy," shouted Seamus after him, wildly gesticulating with his flask, "Bugger off with your tail between your legs!"

Harry rose to his feet feeling shocked, cast one quick look around him at the cheering crowd and ran off down the corridor in the opposite direction to that which Malfoy had gone, before anyone had the chance to congratulate him.

As he rounded the corner, Harry leaned against the cool stone wall, trying to gather his thoughts together. It must have been a joke, he concluded, there was no way that Malfoy could… I mean, he couldn't even possibly be…Well, whether it was a joke or not, at least no one in the crowd had heard what Malfoy had said.

"Harry?" He looked up to see Ginny standing before him, a worried expression on her face. _Great,_ he thought, _just what I needed_. 

"Harry, are you okay?" she asked. "You ran off in a hurry back there, you seemed a bit bothered about it all." Ginny sighed. "It wasn't your fault, you know, Malfoy deserved everything that he got. I mean, I was the one that started all the violence, smashing that pot over his head. If anyone's to blame, it's me. I know I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it. It was a rash, stupid thing to do, but that's me all over."

"Gin-"

"I think, the only reason that he affects me so is because I know what he's saying is true. I am just the 'baby Weasley', no one ever considers me a person in my own right. I'll always be the stupid one of the family who opened the Chamber of Secrets."

"Ginny, that's so untrue. I've never considered you as just Ron or Fred and George's sister.." Harry paused and blushed. "Well, not anymore. I like you for who you are." Harry stopped, staring into Ginny's tearful eyes.

"Really Harry? Do you mean that?"

"Of course I do, I wouldn't say it otherwise."

"It's just, sometimes I feel that the only reason you put up with me is because I'm Ron's sister. That you just find me annoying or an intrusion on your time with him-" Ginny's words were silenced as Harry pressed his lips against hers, slipping his arm round her waist. Shocked as she was Ginny responded more than a little willingly. The kiss soon evolved into a passionate clinch as Harry turned around, pressing Ginny up against the wall.

"Don't mind me, you two carry on," laughed Peeves as he floated past, grinning evilly. 

Harry broke away from Ginny, shocked at what he'd just done. She must think he'd gone mad. What had he been thinking? "Sorry!" he spluttered and one look at the stunned expression on her face sent him bolting off in the direction of the common room, leaving Ginny standing alone, hurt and bewildered by what had just happened.

**_Ten minutes later in the common room…_**

As soon as he had reached the empty common room, Harry had found a chair that was sheltered from the view of anyone entering through the portrait hole and had sat mulling over what had just occurred. He could not believe he had let that happen. What the hell had he been thinking? It was Ginny. Ginny Weasley. His best friend's little sister. Ron would kill him if he ever found out what had happened.

Harry was snapped out of his reverie by the sound of someone entering the common room, he stayed sitting as still as possible, listening intently.

"Oof," came a cry, "bloody chair."

Harry felt immediately guilty as he recognised his best friend's voice as he cursed the furniture. There could not have been anyone who he so desperately did not want to see at that moment in time as Ron, unless it was Ginny.

Harry sighed. He would have to face him at some time or other. He peeked out from behind the heavy curtains that shielded his chair from view.

"Ron, over here."

Ron jumped and spun around to face Harry.

"Bloody hell, Harry, what are you doing lurking behind curtains like that? You scared the life out of me. Anyway, I'd have thought that you'd have been proudly strutting your stuff around Hogwarts after the way you sent that runt Malfoy off in tears. I know I would be."

Harry blushed at the thought of Malfoy as the portrait hole opened to admit a group of Gryffindors.

"C'mere," he said, grabbing Ron and pulling him behind the curtain.

"Whoa, wait up there Harry, I had no idea you felt like this. It's not that I don't like you, but I'm not that way inclined…" joked his friend.

"Oh, shut up you idiot, I didn't pull you behind here for a quickie, I just don't want anyone else seeing me." Memories of what had happened in the corridor earlier with Malfoy flooded back to him. Horrible, disturbing memories. Harry shuddered.

"Oh, right," Ron said, taking a seat in the chair opposite Harry's. "Actually, there's something I'd like to talk to you about. It's a bit embarrassing, but- well I need to know the answer."

Harry looked at him inquiringly.

"Well, today, you got really annoyed at Malfoy."

"Yeah, course I did, the guy's a total moron."

"I know that, but it's why you got so angry at him today that I'm talking about. Why were you so overprotective of Ginny? I know she's had a crush on you for Merlin knows how long, but if there's anything going on between you…" Harry shifted uncomfortably in his chair as Ron trailed off ominously. He was acutely aware of Ron's gaze fixed firmly on him.

"You think that I was protecting Ginny?" Harry laughed feebly, "Well, I was in a way, but that's not why I got so angry. Did you not here what he was saying about Sirius, the slimy git?" Harry was relieved to see Ron's face relaxing. "I mean, I do like Ginny, yeah, but as your sister. Come on, you don't honestly believe that I could ever have feelings for her, at least not beyond a sort of brotherly love." Harry was on a roll here, and he was getting a bit carried away. "I couldn't care for her at all in that way, ever," he concluded with an air of finality.

Ron slumped in his chair. "Good oh, that's what I thought. I was just, you know, checking. Anyway, I'd better go, Hermione's waiting for me by the Great Lake." And without waiting for Harry to ask him why he was off on a secret rendezvous with Hermione, Ron ran out of the common room in lightening speed.

Harry smiled to himself as he watched his friend run off, but the smile quickly faded. Standing not a few feet away from him was Ginny. The stricken look on her face told Harry that she had heard everything he had said to Ron.

Harry rose from his seat, "Ginny, I, I didn't mean any of that, no, wait, Ginny, let me explain-"

Breaking down into sobs, Ginny turned around and ran blindly up the stairs to her dormitory, angrily wiping the tears from her eyes as she did so.

Harry sank despondently down into his chair once more. _Idiot_, he cursed himself, _Stupid bloody fool. Now she must hate you, and could you blame her?_

A/N _Next Chapter: Oliver Wood, HALF NAKED!!! If you enjoyed this chapter, or indeed the story so far, we'd be very grateful if you could review while you're here. As any author will know, it's really good to know that someone's actually read your fic! Thanks._


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